Of House and Home: Rock On

Yes, I know, it’s been a while. A lot has happened since I last posted about the house on my tuesday things post a couple weeks ago, and not necessarily all good. You already know I went to Texas last weekend (which was great!) but it’s what happened right before the weekend that’s not-so-great…

Just a few days after ratifying the contract, we had our home inspection. Luckily we had a guy who has to be the best inspector around town! He found quite a bit wrong with the home, some expected, but much of it not. We certainly did not expect to find that laundry list of items in one home, and neither did our agent.

Unfortunately due to some inaccessibility issues, we had to go back for a second time to finish up. The next day we served our notice. Let’s just say the inspector told us that “even the laziest of inspectors would have a pretty little list for this place,” and M had never given a report that lengthy. In the end, the seller did not agree to even half of the terms, so sadly, we had to break the contract and walk away.

As sad as we are, I know that it’s for the best. Even though I loved the house and could really see us there, it wasn’t meant to be. A co-worker pointed out, “You even said you were holding back your excitement. Your subconscious was telling you that this wasn’t right.” I know there is another house out there for us, and now we just have to find it!

Luckily, the day we broke the contract, Dave and I had a fun event to attend at the Hard Rock Cafe DC – so we decided to “Rock On” and have fun for the night, but also to just keep on rockin’ with the house search. Our friend Jordan manages the DC HRC, and last Thursday night was their “Movers and Shakers” VIP party, fully equipped with plenty of food, free-flowing libations, a photo booth complete with props and, of course, rock ‘n’ roll! They even had dancers who could totally stand up next to Beyonce with the moves they were showing off!

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Jordan and me!

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The event was a hit (no pun intended) and we even got fun party favors! We basically closed the place down, and Jordan actually let me crash the ice sculpture in front of the restaurant at the end of the night. It was very therapeutic :)

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#rockon #icebreaker #latergram #hardrockcafe #lovethatlaugh

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our party favors

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Jordan snuck these lights in my party bag
what to do with them …

All I can say is that I can’t wait for next year’s shindig! Thanks HRC for a super good time!!

Are you a mover? Or a shaker?!

(I think I’m a mover, but when I saw those “Beyonce dancers” I really wanted to be a shaker!)

Some Classic Economic Theory

Filed Under (Humor) by Ockham Research Staff

Economics is on everyone’s mind these days, but it all just seems so… complicated.  As a service, I offer this concise explanation of various economic systems in order to better frame the possible alternatives.

Traditional Capitalism

You have two cows.  You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell the herd and retire on the income.

Socialism

You have two cows. You give one to your neighbor.

Communism

You have two cows. The State takes both and gives you some milk.

Fascism

You have two cows. The State takes both and sells you some milk.

Nazism

You have two cows. The State takes both and shoots you.

Bureaucratism

You have two cows. The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away.

Surrealism

You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

Americanism

You have two cows. You sell one and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow has dropped dead.

AIG Venture Capitalism

You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder. He sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option for one more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. Then the public buys your bull.

A French corporation

You have two cows. You go on strike, organize a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.

A Japanese corporation

You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called “Cowkémon” and market it worldwide.

A German corporation

You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

An Italian corporation

You have two cows, but you do not know where they are. You decide to have lunch.

A Swiss corporation

You have 5,000 cows. None belongs to you. You charge the owners for storage.

A Chinese corporation

You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim that you have full employment and high bovine productivity. You arrest the journalist who reported the real situation.

An Indian corporation

You have two cows. You worship them.

A British corporation

You have two cows. Both are mad.

An Iraqi corporation

Everyone thinks you have many cows. You tell them you have none. No one believes you so they launch an air strike and invade your country.

An Australian corporation

You have two cows. Business seems good. You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.

A New Zealand corporation

You have two cows. The one on the left looks very attractive.

happy landing?

The following was sent to me by one of my flight attendant friends. I found it pretty amusing so I decided to pass it on…

All too rarely, airline attendants make an effort to make the in-flight ‘safety lecture’ and announcements a bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported:

1. On a Southwest flight 245 (SW has no assigned seating, you just sit where you want) passengers were apparently having a hard time choosing, when a flight attendant announced, ‘People, people we’re not picking out furniture here, find a seat and get in it!’

2. On a Continental Flight with a very ‘senior’ flight attendant crew, the pilot said, ‘Ladies and gentlemen, we’ve reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants.’

3. On landing, the stewardess said, ‘Please be sure to take all of your belongings. If you’re going to leave anything, please make sure it’s something we’d like to have.

4. ‘There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane’

5. ‘Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride.’

6. As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Ronald Reagan, a lone voice came over the loudspeaker: ‘Whoa, big fella. WHOA!’

7. After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Memphis, a flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced, ‘Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as hell everything has shifted.’

8. From a Southwest Airlines employee: ‘Welcome aboard Southwest Flight 245 to Tampa .. To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt; and, if you don’t know how to operate one, you probably shouldn’t be out in public unsupervised.’

9. ‘In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with more than one small child, pick your favorite.’

10. ‘Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but we’ll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than Southwest Airlines.’

11. ‘Your seat cushions can be used for flotation; and, in the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments.’

12. ‘As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses’

13. And from the pilot during his welcome message: ‘Delta Airlines is pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry. Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!’

14. Heard on Southwest Airlines just after a very hard landing in Salt Lake City the flight attendant came on the intercom and said, ‘That was quite a bump, and I know what y’all are thinking. I’m here to tell you it wasn’t the airline’s fault, it wasn’t the pilot’s fault, it wasn’t the flight attendant’s fault, it was the asphalt.’

15. Overheard on an American Airlines flight into Amarillo, Texas, on a particularly windy and bumpy day: During the final approach, the Captain was really having to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant said, ‘Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Amarillo Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what’s left of our airplane to the gate!’

16. Another flight attendant’s comment on a less than perfect landing: ‘We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal.’

17 An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the Passengers exited, smile, and give them a ‘Thanks for flying our airline..’ He said that, in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally everyone had gotten off except for a little old lady walking with a cane. She said, ‘Sir, do you mind if I ask you a question?’ ‘Why, no, Ma’am,’ said the pilot. ‘What is it?’ The little old lady said, ‘Did we land, or were we shot down?’

18. After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix, the attendant came on with, ‘Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Capt. Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we’ll open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal.’

19. Part of a flight attendant’s arrival announcement: ‘We’d like to thank you folks for flying with us today And, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you’ll think of US Airways’

20. Heard on a Southwest Airline flight. ‘Ladies and gentlemen, if you wish to smoke, the smoking section on this airplane is on the wing and if you can light ’em, you can smoke ’em.’

21. A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport . After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom, ‘Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight Number 293, nonstop from New York to Los Angeles . The weather ahead is good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful flight Now sit back and relax.. OH, MY GOD!’ Silence followed, and after a few minutes, the captain came back on the intercom and said, ‘Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier. While I was talking to you, the flight attendant accidentally spilled a cup of hot coffee in my lap You should see the front of my pants!’ A passenger in Coach yelled, ‘That’s nothing. You should see the back of mine.’